Confessions of a Control Freak

Control freak.

I used to be one.

A “Control Enthusiast” as my mentor says. 

I thought that in order to be successful, to reach my “goals”, I had to be in complete control. 

I thought that to raise my girls right and to have a long, loving marriage, I had to be in control of everything. The schedules. The activities. The meals and shopping. The paperwork. The travel. The budgeting. The bills. Packing school lunches. I mean All. Of. It.

And then it started to “fall apart” as I knew it. 

  • My mom passed away when she was just 66. I couldn’t control her cancer…no matter how badly I wanted to, or how hard I tried.
  • My position was eliminated at work after a big acquisition. That I couldn’t control, but I COULD control how I reacted. What I did next. And…well, I couldn’t be happier. More on that another time.
  • My marriage ended. Officially. And I realized how much I had controlled everything in our family…once I had absolutely no control over 50% of the decisions and actions impacting my girls. 

This was the icing on the cake for this control freak. The “learn to let control go” cake. Let. Go.

And I have to tell you…it’s been hellacious at times but in the end… this journey has been the biggest blessing.

Why???  Over these rather…”busy” years, I learned a lot. A lot about how I don’t actually control everything. In fact, I don’t control much….because so much of it is not mine to control. 

I think the greatest lesson I learned, though, is that it’s all about love. This control thing, and letting go of it, taught me about love. As in, “if you love it, let it go.” 

  • It’s about loving those around me like there’s no tomorrow. Literally. 
  • It’s about loving my work. The things I do every day to help others. It’s easy to spring out of bed in the wee hours when you absolutely love what you do. (I mean, unless you’re snuggling…then all bets are off.)
  • It’s about loving my body, for all its little imperfections. They are perfectly mine. And I get to fuel this wonderful body with really delicious, really healthy food. And the occasional treat, because I love GOOD STUFF!

And most of all… it’s about loving me.

And the only way I have found to do that…is to really and truly be me. Just. Be. Me. Because when that happened, when I let go of all the other things that I had been trying to control and was really, truly myself…man alive – the rest all started to fall into alignment! Business grew. Relationships got stronger. Love really and truly bloomed. Health improved. 

I will be the first to tell you I can’t fully explain the “woo” science that fuels my beliefs.

At least not in a way that would probably make sense. But I can tell you that whenever I set my goals, and my intentions, and then let go of obsessing over how I’m going to reach them… When I do that, and instead replace that control with the feeling of absolutely loving how the results are going to feel…I find that it’s a heck of a lot easier to realize those goals and dreams. 

“So what is this all about really? And how does it have anything to do with growing my business,” you ask? Well…I would say everything. 

This is part of the mindfulness that is so damn critical in building a successful business. AND living your best life. Learning what you can and can’t control, how to let go, and how to love yourself AND your work through the ups and downs of this business-building journey…it’s all so important. 

So, tonight, when you close your eyes, smile and shine a little love on YOU. You’re doing this. It was probably a long day filled with ups and downs, but you’re doing it!

Way to go, love! <3